Intelligent Mosquito Dreams

You may think that this has nothing to do with Spain. Oh, but it does.

In the United States, mosquitoes are a common enemy through which we ALL bond together and fight against ... republicans, democrats, and intelligent-independent thinkers - rich, poor, and more poor - male, female, and other - brown, tan, pink, yellow and olive.

In the United States - almost everyone has screens on their windows and doors and vents; everyone has mosquito repellent sprays and lotions and candles; many people have lights that attract and then *zap* and kill mosquitoes (mosquitoes are the one thing that I do not mind killing); communities send out trucks that spray mosquito repellent (poison). There are articles in the newspapers and magazines every week about how to prevent mosquito propagation. Mosquitoes have not gotten more intelligent in the United States - they have just gotten more dangerous. Now some of them carry West Nile virus.

On the other hand, Spaniards do not seem to be as bothered by mosquitoes as Americans are. No pasa nada. In Spain, very few people have screens on their windows. If you look hard enough at the store, you might find plug-ins that claim to repel mosquitoes. When Spaniards get bit by mosquitoes, they continue with their conversation and scratch the bite ... maybe. No pasa nada.

But, maybe it would not matter anyway. We think the mosquitoes in Spain are more highly evolved and more intelligent than the mosquitoes in the United States.

We have screens on the windows here. It was one of the first things we did when we got here. We made screens on the doors and windows where there weren't any. It doesn't matter. The mosquitoes figure out how to get in.

Not IF but WHEN they get in, Spanish mosquitoes scope out the surroundings and find hiding places. Then, they wait for the lights to go out and sometimes even wait for us to fall asleep. (They can tell we are asleep based on the depth and frequency of our breathing.) Then, they bite. If by chance, we wake up and try to get them ... the mosquitoes retreat immediately into the hiding places that they scoped out previously.

Sometimes, the mosquitoes play tricks on us ... buzz around our ears until we wake up and turn on the light and then they hide and wait for us to fall asleep again. When the lights go out again, they buzz in our ears again and then hide.

I know you think I am kidding or exaggerating. I'm not. Everything I've said is true. (Matthew, Eugene, Amy - support me here. It is all true, is it not?) It has come to the point now that I'm trying to deal with the mosquito torment at a subconscious level. I've been dreaming about intelligent mosquitoes.

(Sharing dreams can be dangerous. Friends who are psychologists might not let me play with their kids anymore. My in-laws might not invite me to Thanksgiving dinner anymore. But, I'm taking the risk - hoping that sharing these dreams will help me conquer the inner war I am fighting. I've had a string of intelligent mosquito dreams.)

Dream 1: Trying to deal with the mosquito at her level ... intelligently, telepathically. (Did you know that only female mosquitoes bite?)
I was sleeping (and dreaming) when I heard a mosquito buzzing around my ear. I didn't want to move my head or change my breathing rhythm at all - because then the mosquito would go into hiding.

So, I tried to contact the mosquito telepathically. In my dream, I sent out a telepathic message that I was willing to negotiate with the mosquito. I have plenty of blood. The mosquito was welcome to have as much blood as she wanted IF she would stop buzzing in my ear. Also, I would appreciate it if she didn't leave that anti-coagulating stuff behind that makes me itch.

My dream was somewhat successful. The mosquito bit and stopped buzzing in my ear. However, the bites did itch when I woke up.

Dream 2. Location, Location, Location
This was another telepathic dream. I sent a telepathic message to the mosquito that I had seen in the bedroom before going to bed ... which neither Matthew nor I could find in our 30 minutes of frantically searching.

I asked the mosquito nicely (and telepathically) - please do not bite me around my joints. She can get blood from flat/fat surfaces too. It might be a little harder to find a vein under the layers of fat but I will be more tolerant and we will be able to get along better over time. It would be a win/win situation. I even moved my leg and arm out of the sheet so she would have a large surface area to work with.

This dream was not successful. I got bit on my ankle and my forearm (by the bone).

Dream 3. Telepathic negotiations broke down. Now, I was simply on the defense.
This dream was NOT about mosquitoes. I couldn't remember what exactly the dream was about, but I do remember that it was a good dream and I didn't want it to be interrupted.

I got a mosquito bite and I had the urge to itch it ... but I didn't want to have to wake up and end my good dream. So, in my dream (I was in an audience or something) I leaned forward to touch a railing to itch my mosquito bit. It didn't work. I still had the urge to itch. I tried to just casually rub my arm and work it into my dream inconspicuously.

I forgot what happened. I had a bump there in the morning and it still itched. Darn.

Dream 4. Don't fight.
As you can imagine, I was starting to get frustrated by all this. It didn't seem like anything was working.

In the last "intelligent mosquito" dream that I had, there were four mosquitos (four ... and, coincidentally, the youngest was male ... hee, hee). I told the mosquitoes - out loud this time (in my dream) - that I know they are intelligent but they are not going to get the best of me. I know that they are just trying to get me angry by biting me all the time but it isn't going to work.

I am not going to lower myself to their level. I am not going to get upset by their tricks and tactics. I'm just going to ignore them. I also didn't want them to see me itching my bites because I didn't want them to know they got a reaction out of me.

I think this last one worked. I haven't gotten another bite for a few days. Maybe I did but I just didn't itch it.