Renting a car in Prague

SETTING: Prague, Czech Republic
(We wish this wasn't a true story.)

SCENE 1
Telephone conversation between Ann and Dvorak Car Rental.

Ann speaking slowly and very clearly: Hello. My name is Ann Brownell. I reserved a 7-person van. I am calling to find out when we can come and pick it up.
Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.
Ann: I reserved a van and I have my confirmation number.
Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.

Ann holds the phone to the side and whispers to Matthew.
Ann: Matthew, hand me the paper with our travel information.
Matthew: Where is it?
Ann: In my backpack!
Matthew: Where?
Ann: Right THERE under the table.
Matthew: No. I mean which pocket?
Ann: In the pocket where I keep all the papers.

Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.
Ann: One moment. I have my confirmation number.

Matthew finds the paper and hands it to Ann.

Ann: Our confirmation number is C like communist or Czech, M like Marx, 2 4 7 , S like spy, N like nuclear er uh nice, 4 4 9 1 5, and Z like xenophobic, no that's an x, um, Zachariah or Ezekiel.
Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.
Ann: But I reserved a van with your company on the internet, the computer, and I received a confirmation which means that my reservation was accepted and it is good.
Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.
Ann: YOU HAVE NO VAN!?
Mr. Dvorak: Jes.
Ann: What? YES, you DO have a van or NO, you DO NOT have a van?
Mr. Dvorak: We no have van.
Ann: I don't understand. We made reservations and we have a confirmation and you are telling me that you do not have a van.
Mr. Dvorak: Jes. We no have van.
Ann: What am I supposed to do? We need a van. We have four kids. We need a van.
Mr. Dvorak: I don't know.
Ann: We need a van. We had reservations. Can I speak to a manager?
Mr. Dvorak: I am manager.

SCENE 2
24 hours later at the hostel.

Ann: Hey kids! It is too bad that it rained yesterday. It looks beautiful today. What would you like to do today?
Elena: How about if we sit in here (the hostel room), play games, and then go out for pizza.
Maria: I don't want to go out. Let's just stay here. We can bring pizza back here.
Ann: We are on vacation in Prague. We can sit inside and play games at home - not here!
Yana: Well, how about if we do some things here, then go to the castle for a couple hours and then go out to eat.
Bronson: YEAH! Let's go out to eat.
Matthew: We have to find a car today because tomorrow we go to Romana's.
Ann: Okay, kids. Mommy and Daddy will call around and then go get a car. You guys can stay here (you cannot go out of the room) and when we get back, we'll all go to the castle.
Kids: Okay.

With the help of the owners of the hostel (who do not speak English), Matthew called several car rental places in Prague. There are no vans available. Ann and Matthew have decided to look at the car rentals at the airport and either squish into a 5 person car or rent two cars. Matthew calls Mr. Dvorak to see if they can loan us two cars in exchange for our van reservation.

Matthew: Hello. We talked with you yesterday about our reserva ...
Mr. Dvorak: Jes. We have van.
Matthew: Excuse me? What did you say?
Mr. Dvorak: We have van.
Matthew: You did not have a van yesterday. You NOW have a van?
Mr. Dvorak: Jes. We have van.
Matthew: Okay. We will come to pick up the van.
Mr. Dvorak: Jes.

Ann and Matthew tell the kids that Yana is in charge and they have to stay IN the room until we get back. They take a tram and bus to the airport - 30 minutes away.

SCENE 3
Less than an hour later at Dvorak Car Rental place at the airport.

Matthew: Hello. We are here to pick up a van.
Mr. Dvorak: Jes. One moment.

Several minutes later.

Mr. Dvorak: Credit card?

Matthew hands him a credit card and waits another several minutes.

Mr. Dvorak: Your card work first. Now no work.
Matthew: Why did you run the card twice?
Mr. Dvorak: First for car and insurance (shows Matthew slip for 20,000 korunas). Then deposit (shows Matthew another slip for 50,000 korunas).

(That translates to $500 for the car, $500 for the insurance, and $2500 for a deposit. We have a limit of $3000 on that credit card. That is why it did not work.)

Matthew: The insurance costs as much as the car?!
Mr. Dvorak: Jes.
Ann to Matthew: We don't have a choice. We don't have our car insurance anymore.
Ann to Mr. Dvorak: When I made the reservation, it said that we do not have to pay a deposit if we buy insurance.
Mr. Dvorak: Jes, everyone pay deposit.
Ann to Matthew: Just use the other credit card.

A few minutes later.

Mr. Dvorak: Please sign.
Matthew: What are these for?
Mr. Dvorak: This for car rent. This for insurance. This for deposit.

SCENE 4
In the parking garage.

We had signed the papers and Mr. Dvorak walked us out to the van and handed Matthew the keys. He pointed out an existing ding on the door. We couldn't even see the ding unless we were looking at it from the correct angle. He gave us no instruction at all.

It is the smallest van we have ever seen. It is the size of our Saturn with two pull up seats in the very back.

Ann: Wow. I wasn't expecting the insurance to be that high and we won't have any credit until we return the van.
Matthew: Can you believe that they have that ding included on the condition report? We better not park anywhere near other cars.
Ann: Yeah and we'll have to tell the kids not to lean against the van.
Matthew: Okay. Let's get back!

Matthew turns the ignition. The van jumps forward. Matthew steps on the brake.

Ann: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Matthew: THE BRAKE!! THE BRAKE DOESN'T WORK. WHAT THE *&%# IS GOING ON!!
Ann: THAT IS THE CLUTCH. IT'S MANUAL. MATTHEW! WATCH OUT!

Ann covers her face. The van rolls into the car in front of us. Although the van was rolling slowly, there is a loud crackling CRASH!

Ann (with her hands over her face): I can't believe it. I can't believe this is happening.

Matthew gets out of the van. Mr. Dvorak heard the CRASH and walked back to the van. There is another man who comes over. He and Mr. Dvorak speak briefly in Czech and the other man leaves. Matthew and Mr. Dvorak are looking at the van and the car. The little car is an older model with obvious wear and tear. Matthew says that he can't see any damage on the van or the car. Mr. Dvorak appears to agree though probably didn't understand what Matthew said.

The other man returns with a third man in a uniform. They move the little car away from the wall. The three Czech men are speaking in Czech. Ann is now peeking through her hands. She sees the uniformed man take out a set of keys from his pocket. The keys have a fuzzy type key-chain ... not the type they use for the rentals. The three Czech men are looking at the car.

Matthew: There's no damage. Right? Do you see damage? Nothing. The brakes didn't work. It just rolled. What do you think?

The Czech men are speaking in Czech again.

Mr. Dvorak: You pay him 200 euros?
Matthew: WHAT? 200 EUROS!? THAT IS A PIECE OF JUNK! There's no damage. You're telling me 200 euros for hardly bumping into a piece of junk!? ANN! Take your hands off your face and come out here!
Mr. Dvorak: We call police?
Ann: Well, uh, we did buy insurance.
Matthew: That is a piece of junk!! What is it doing here!? I'm not paying 200 euros for bumping into a PIECE OF JUNK!!
Ann: Matthew, that is not a rental car. That is this man's car. (Ann points to the uniformed man.)
Matthew (pointing to the uniformed man): That is your car?
Mr. Uniform: (Nods)

Matthew (in a calm voice): I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hit your car. You want 200 euros? Can you show me the damage?

Mr. Uniform looks at Matthew. He did not seem to understand what Matthew said. Matthew pulls Ann aside.

Matthew to Ann: I didn't know it was his car. The last thing we need is for the Czech police to get involved. I have 100 euros in my pocket. Should I offer him 100 euros?
Ann: Yeah.
Matthew to Mr. Uniform: I have 100 euros. Is that okay?

The Czech men speak in Czech.

Mr. Uniform nodding: Jes.

SCENE 5
Driving back to the hostel.
Matthew hadn't driven a stick shift for years, he had never seen a van with a stick shift, and he hasn’t even driven a car since leaving the US. Ann didn't bring her backpack with everything in it - including the nice detailed maps that Romana gave us. Ann is using the map provided at Dvorak's car rental.

Matthew: How do we get back to the hostel?
Ann: I don't know. Look for E-v-r-o-p-s-k-a and take it toward the city.
Matthew: What does this sign say?
Ann: I don't know but it didn't start with an E-v-r, did it? Keep going.
Matthew: Is this it?
Ann: I don't know. I don't think that started with an E either.

Several minutes later.

Ann: The E-v-r street was pretty close to the airport. We must have missed it.
Matthew: Weren't you reading the signs?
Ann: I can't read the signs. I didn't see it. Maybe I missed it.

We take an exit. It isn't an exit. It is another highway.

Ann: We have to turn around. We're going the wrong way. Why did you go this way?
Matthew: I thought it was an exit. I was trying to turn around.
Ann: No! It is going somewhere that starts with a V-r.
Matthew: Where can I turn around?
Ann: I don't know.

We pull off on a road to the side and drive for a while. We take another road back in the general direction of the city. We find an entrance back to the highway and then take the exit back to the original highway.

Several minutes later.

Ann: I still don't see the E-v-r exit. Let's just take the next exist that says Prague.
Matthew: Tell me when.

Ann: Now. Take this exit.
Matthew: Okay. Now where are we?
Ann: I don't know. Just keep going in this direction.

Fifteen minutes later.

Matthew: Where are we?
Ann: I don't know. I can't find any of these streets on the map.
Matthew: Here is a busy street. It should be on the map. What is it?
Ann: I don't know. It starts with a V-s-a ...
Matthew: Where is it?
Ann: I don't know.
Matthew: I'm going to ask this guy in the Budweiser truck.

Matthew pulls up behind the Budweiser truck, asks the delivery guy where we are on the map and then returns.

Matthew: He says that we're not on the map. We have to turn around and drive 5 or so kilometers.

Several minutes later, we see a sign that we think means a hospital. We find the same thing on the map.

Ann: Okay. I think we are on the map.
Matthew: Where are we?
Ann pointing to the map: Around here. Turn right as soon as you can. The hostel is south of here.
Matthew: Is this okay?
Ann: I don't know. Let's try it.

We seem to have entered a very busy area. There are a lot of people walking around.

Matthew: Where are we?
Ann: I don't know. This street starts with a N-a and it is two words.
Matthew points to a round blue sign with a red X: What does that sign say?
Ann: I don't know. Maybe we aren't supposed to drive here. I don't see any other cars.

There are hoards of people walking around. We can hardly move.

Ann: We better get out of here.
Matthew: I can't. There are too many people. Where should we go?
Ann: I don't know. Turn!

Matthew turns. We hear a little bell ring.

Ann: MATTHEW! THAT IS A TRAM! WE ARE ON THE TRAM TRACKS!!
Matthew: I CAN'T GO! THAT IS A ONE WAY! I CAN'T BACK UP!

The little bell rings again.

Ann: DO SOMETHING! THE TRAM IS COMING!

Matthew drives further on the tram tracks and then turns into a little side street.

Matthew: Where are we?
Ann: I don't know.
Matthew: What does the sign say?
Ann: I don't know. It starts with U-l-u-z.
Matthew: Where is that?
Ann: I don't know. I can't find it on the map.
Matthew: Weren't we here before?
Ann: I don't know. I don't know where we are. I don't know what the signs say. I don't know how to get back. Let's just hire a taxi and follow it back to the hostel.

We drive for a few minutes looking for a taxi.

Ann: MATTHEW!! THAT BUS! That is 179! That is the bus we rode on the first day we got here. Follow that bus!

For about 30 minutes, we follow the bus ... stopping behind it at all the stops and praying that we won't be arrested for stalking a bus. Ann sees an overpass.

Ann: Wait! LOOK! TURN! Don't you recognize that?! We passed that the other day. We got off the bus here and crossed the street. There is a tram up there a little ways. Remember?
Matthew: I don't remember.
Ann: TURN!

We turn, drive for a couple of blocks, and see the tram. We stop and find where we are on the map and then navigate the last few kilometers. We arrived back at the hostel 4 hours after we had left.

Ann: KIDS!! WE'RE BACK! We're so sorry.
Elena: Hi!
Maria: Did you get a car?
Yana: Where is the car? Can we see it?
Bronson: Let's go see the car!
Ann: Is everything okay? We've been gone for much longer that we thought ... so sorry. Yana, are you okay?
Yana: Yeah. We're fine. We just played a few games. Where is the car?
Ann: That's it? Weren't you worried? You have no idea what we have been through!
Yana: Gimme the keys, Mom. We're going to see the car.